Waiting . . . .

We get lots of questions about where we are in the process.  Basically we are just waiting, interspersed with lots of "kinda be ready just in case" situations.  We have had about 8 situations where our profile has been shown.  We have been able to show our profile for almost 5 months now.  The average wait is 7-9 months.  We have been prepared that we may show our profile more times just because we already have three children.  But, there ARE expectant parents looking to entrust their child with a family that has kids already. You really have no idea what any of them are really looking for in a family so you can't really feel "rejected".  At one of our training sessions, they had two birth moms and both of them had things they were looking for in a family, but both changed their mind when they were looking through the profiles.  Some just find some sort of connection in pictures like seeing a family that are Cubs fans and the expectant parent's family are all Cub's fans.  So, you just be honest about your family and God brings along just the right match in His timing.  All of the waiting families seem like great choices!  I am so happy that there are families for these expectant parents to choose from.  Expectant moms in crisis situations need to know there are people who will support them if they choose to parent or if they choose to make an adoption plan.  And we are praying for each and every situation that comes through and excited when they are matched, knowing that God has put them together for a reason.  And of course, it is still emotionally draining.  It is hard to wait when you know what blessing is to come.  Some of the situations have seemed like great matches for us too, but obviously God had other plans.  It can also be a bit stressful finding the balance of being ready just in case the situation works out, yet not putting your life on hold.  I came across a great blog post about the domestic adoption waiting time. The blog author put my own thoughts into words much better than I could have done.  Here is an excerpt from the blog http://heremembersthebarren.com/2013/04/28/the-waiting-game-domestic-adoption/
(FYI: I have never read anything else on her blog.)

"The perspective you have during this process determines whether you can handle these potential matchings with grace and patience, or whether they give you ulcers and prematurely greying hair. If adopting really is all about YOU and what YOU want, then each time you don’t get picked you will feel like the victim of injustice. (Hey, been there!) But what if the waiting period wasn’t just about how long it is taking for a family to pick you, and instead it is about you being in a unique position where you are made aware of women experiencing crisis pregnancies who need lots of prayer, both for themselves as well as for their babies? What if this time was designed to give you another chance to serve your neighbor and better understand the needs of families in your community?

Quite a number of birthmothers contact agencies before letting anyone else in their family know they are pregnant. Some do this because they have relatives who will pressure them to abort the child. When you find out about this mother and child through the agency, you may be one of only a handful of people who knows that this child even exists! Because of your new “vocation” you are given the most wonderful privilege to be able to approach the Heavenly Father on this child’s behalf and ask that He would shelter, protect, love and care for this baby by providing the best home possible for her. And you can ask for wisdom, healthy, maturity and peace for the birthparents, that He would give them what they need to either responsibly parent or confidently release this child into someone else’s arms.

When your focus is on serving these children and their biological families through prayer and not just on getting a child for yourself, you can sincerely rejoice when you hear that a baby is being placed with a family, even if it’s not your family. Your prayers have been answered! Thank God that He is caring for these children through your agency and the money you are paying the agency is not just helping you find a child, but it is helping women in your community who are in crisis to get support and guidance in making the most difficult decision of their lives.

The waiting period is not wasted time. It is not a time to navel-gaze and wonder what’s wrong with you and your spouse that you haven’t been chosen yet. The waiting period can be about serving through prayer, and ACHING for the difficult lives and tough decisions these birth parents have, not just aching for yourself. Spend your time wisely and prayerfully, and one magical day you may be surprised to find out that the latest child you’ve been privileged to pray for  is about to become your own."

So, maybe you haven't thought about all of these expectant moms out there who are going through with a 9-month pregnancy while dealing with all of the discomfort that comes with pregnancy and childbirth and people asking about that baby in their belly.  I know it has to be a tough time once they have decided the best thing for the child is to entrust someone else with the child they have carried all that time.  Pray for them and that they will have the support they need, including after the release of their child.  They will need support then too!

Anyway, that is where we are.  There have been a few of the situations that have brought me to tears and thanking God that I have been blessed with a safe and loving family.  I am thankful that even through the pain and loss involved in adoption, He can still bring hope and joy to all involved.  Thanks for praying along with us!

New Cousins Coming Soon . . .

Mark, Shannon, and Malaine are heading out right now to China.  We are super excited for their trip to bring two more kiddos into their family.  Pray for them and for Syler (age 8) and Mercie (age 2).  Their lives are about to be turned upside down!  Shannon's travel blog for the trip is www.2china4sylerandmercie.blogspot.com.

Flashback: Random Summer Fun

Fun at the lake. 

Park with friends:  Older girls walking the wall.

Park with friends: Snack time

Park with friends: Being silly   

Mailing in last adoption paperwork!

Friends!

TJ got picked at the circus to do pushups!

Magic House: carriage ride

Magic House: Giant bubble 

Magic House: riding the boat! 

Magic House: water fun

Magic House: Silly Leighton

Leighton’s checkup and shots!  That ice cream helped get rid of the pouty lip

Mini Golf: Jaylyn made a hole in one!

Mini Golf: Everyone needs to golf with a Hello Kitty purse

Mini Golf: This is fun!

Zoo with cousins

Movie time with cousins

Cooking with cousins

Movie making with cousins

Spa time with cousins! 

Fine Arts Camp: Jaylyn ready for the art showcase.  She did jewelry making, cooking 2, sewing 2

Jaylyn with Mitzi, the jewelry teacher

Jaylyn’s jewelry she made

Jaylyn’s apron she made.  It is even reversible

Slip ‘n Slide fun   

Adoption News

It is so fun to be a part of a family and church family that care so much about orphans.  We had nursery duty this past Sunday and got to spend some time with a friend and their recent adopted son from China.  He is the sweetest and is LOVING his family.  In case you haven’t heard, TJ’s cousin Shannon and her husband Mark are in the midst of paperwork to go back to China again.  So exciting!  Besides adopting, Shannon continues to do more for orphan care and advocating for orphans who need a safe and healthy environment to live and grow before they get a family/and who need a family! 

TJ and have talked about adopting even before we had biological children.  We just knew that God would call us to do that.  It is just an amazing picture of what God has done for us!  We have prayed for a long time about the where and when.  And we have decided that NOW is the time.  :-)

We had been back and forth between international and domestic.  I think I was kind of surprised to feel led toward domestic.  I won’t go into the why domestic, because I’m not totally sure.  :-)  But, I do know that is where we are now.  So here are some answers to questions that we have received the most so far. . .

1. Q:Are you using an agency?

A: Yes, we are using Bethany Christian Services.  They are local, but also a large agency that is all over.  We were impressed with them at their informational meeting.  We love that they are focused on serving families and children through the love of Christ.  We were also thankful that they are really focused on helping the birthmothers.  Whatever reason the expectant mother made a birth plan, we want to know that they have been shown the love of Christ and are offered what they need to cope with this difficult part of their life.  It is great to hear how TJ’s mom has seen Bethany work with expectant/birth mothers personally and has been impressed with them.  That means a lot to us.  Here is a link to their 2011 annual report http://www.bethany.org/assets/pdfs/2011AnnualReport.pdf  It is interesting to read.

2.  Q: What age child?

A: We really felt that for the sake of the children we have now, that we should not interrupt birth order, so we have requested that the child be younger than Leighton.  But, because of the way it works here, the child will most likely be an infant unless we went through the foster-care system. 

3. Q: How long will it take?

A: This can vary. . . . It depends on how fast we do our paperwork, how fast the agency can complete their part, and being “chosen.”  (Our agency will have profiles of families ready to adopt and when an expectant mother is near the end of the pregnancy or at the hospital, they will show her the profiles that fit her situation, and she will select the family she would like to adopt her child.  The family will be notified and also has a chance to accept.  It is possible that since we already have three children at home, we might not be chosen as quickly as a family that does not have a child.  It all depends on the expectant mother.)  Paperwork can possibly take us three months or more to complete.  We should be receiving those papers to start this week.  The time can also depend on how open we are to ethnicity of the child and also medical concerns.  We are open to any ethnicity, and assume that we will most likely adopt a child of other ethnicity. Once paperwork is finished, we could wait anywhere from a few months to over a year.  Average wait would be 9-12 months.  But, it is all in God’s timing so we will see. :-)  

Here are a couple videos Bethany had on their website you might find interesting:

Anyway, pray for us as we prepare for this journey, and please begin praying with us for our child to-be and his/her parents and extended family.  I know there are more questions, but my fingers are tired and who wants to read all of this??? :-)